Glossary
Every term the Doctor uses when grading the discourse, defined once, cited forever.
Methods
- AstroturfingFake grassroots support. A campaign of "real people" who are actually one person with eleven accounts and a budget.
- Clout ChasingPursuing a take exclusively for the audience it will attract. Engagement over truth, priced in.
- Concern TrollingPretending to care about a side you oppose in order to drag it. "As a supporter, I’m worried about…"
- Confidently WrongA take delivered with total certainty and zero evidence. The Doctor’s most commonly issued grade: F for argument, A for audacity.
- DoompostingThe art of declaring everything over, forever, at regular intervals. The doctor checks the calendar.
- Engagement BaitA post designed to maximize replies over truth. Every "unpopular opinion:" post is a suspect.
- Fake ScarcityClaims of limited supply to manufacture demand. "Only 100 seats left" energy, applied to everything.
- Gish GallopOverwhelming an opponent with so many weak claims they can’t rebut them all. Spam, but for arguments.
- Media SpinPresenting a fact in a costume. Same data, different wardrobe, opposite impression.
- Moving the GoalpostsChanging the criteria mid-argument so the other side can never win. The referee’s foul.
- Pump and DumpInflate the price with hype, sell, and let the chart do the explaining. The receipt trail is a signature.
- ReceiptsEvidence. Screenshots, quotes, data, links. The Doctor’s entire grading system runs on receipt-count.
- ShillingPromoting a token, product, or guru for reasons that are suspiciously aligned with their wallet. Grade: F.
- Spin CycleThe rapid rotation of a statement through different framings until it means the opposite. Laundry, but for news.
- Vibes-Only TakeAn opinion based entirely on feeling. The vibes-only take has no data, no receipts, and no fear of the facts.
Fallacies
- Ad HominemAttacking the person instead of the argument. Sometimes fun, always a fallacy.
- Appeal to Authority"The CEO said it, therefore it’s true." Titles are not receipts.
- Begging the QuestionAssuming the conclusion inside the premise. Circular reasoning with better posture.
- Confirmation BiasNoticing only the evidence that agrees with you. The algorithm’s favorite student.
- False EquivalenceTreating two things that are not equal as equal because balance must be maintained. The media’s favorite tiebreaker.
- SealioningRelentlessly "asking questions" until the target gives up. The polite face of bad faith.
- StrawmanRefuting a weaker version of your opponent’s argument so you can win the argument you invented. Classic.
- Strawman AdjacentA strawman that is technically about the right topic. Academic-grade aim, amateur-grade argument.
- Sunk Cost FallacyStaying in a losing position because you’re already in it. The bag-holder’s anthem.
- Survivorship BiasStudying only the winners. The guru’s best friend: nobody shows you the 9,999 failed accounts.
- WhataboutismDeflecting criticism by pointing at someone else. A valid move in basketball; a fallacy everywhere else.
The Medium
- ClapterApplause for an opinion, not an argument. The audience claps because they agree, not because they’re convinced.
- ClickbaitA headline that promises more than the article delivers. The take-economy’s original sin.
- Doom CycleThe recurring loop of "it’s over," "actually it’s fine," "it’s over again." The Doctor books time in advance.
- DoomscrollThe act of consuming bad news until it becomes a personality trait. The Doctor grades the takes you find there.
- Hit PieceAn article that arrives with a conclusion and collects evidence afterward. The reverse puffer.
- Hit TweetA post that performs extremely well. The unit of success in the commenter economy.
- Hot TakeA deliberately provocative opinion published at maximum temperature, usually minutes after an event, usually wrong within hours.
- Hot Take WhiplashThe injury sustained by changing your take to match the trend. The Doctor has seen it heal and immediately re-fracture.
- Puff PieceAn article that is a press release with better punctuation. Grade: C+, attendance required.
- RatioWhen a post’s replies disagree with it more than the post’s likes agree. The crowd’s verdict, rendered in numbers.
- Receipt WarA duel in which both parties produce screenshots and nobody wins, because the screenshots disagree.
- Talking PointsA pre-approved set of phrases that count as thinking. The same sentence, different fonts.
- Vibes CheckThe act of verifying whether a take matches the room’s temperature. Not a substitute for receipts.